my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
