I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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