i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize