You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
