Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
