my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
