i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
