The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I smell like Dick and happiness
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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