Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
