I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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