Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
