i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
