what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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