I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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