I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
