he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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