Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
