The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
