what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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