Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
