Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
