I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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