Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
