I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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