I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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