I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
