my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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