glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
