Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My bed smells like the plague
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