this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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