Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
