if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
