i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
