Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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