Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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