I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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