Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
