The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
