Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
