I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
