He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
