Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is it penis luge time yet?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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