he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
