i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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