my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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