omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
