never play flip cup with pint glasses
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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