Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
