We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
