I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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