capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
