and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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