i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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