Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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