My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
