Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
