we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
