we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
